Monday, November 06, 2006

你想责怪谁呢?Who Do You Blame?

No one wins the blame game.
在互相责怪的游戏中没人能赢


For example, you make a mistake and feel guilty. So you blame someone or something.
比如,你犯了一个错误感到内疚。于是你迁怒于某一个人或某一些事情

"I crashed the car because you played the radio too loud!"
“都是因爲你把汽车音响开太大了,害我撞了车”

"It's not my fault the soup is too salty! It's your stupid recipe."
“汤太咸了,不是我弄错的,都是因爲你那愚蠢的菜谱”

"If we had a newer computer, I wouldn't have deleted the computer files."
如果我们能有台更新的计算机,我就不会出错把那些文件都删了。

Blame is frequently used to explain poor job performance.
责备通常是开脱工作表现差的借口。

"My boss is such a jerk, I can't get my work done."
我的老板性情太古怪,以至于我无法做到我的工作

"I closed my painting shop and went bankrupt because of the economy."
经济差,所以我的油漆店被迫关门破産了。

"I don't get paid enough to be nice to EVERY customer."
我的工资太低了,所以无法对“每一个”客户都那麽亲切。

Blame is also used for personal problems.
责怪也常常被用于个人问题上。

"I'm depressed because of the tragedies on television."
电视上的悲剧或惨案让我感到很沮丧。

"I can't be faithful to my wife because I have a chemical imbalance."
我对妻子不忠,是因爲我体内的化学作用失调了。

"I can't stop smoking because my father used to spank me."
我无法戒烟,因爲我爸爸过去常常打我屁股。

Why You Can't Win the Blame Game
爲什麽你无法在责怪的游戏中获胜呢?

When you blame someone or something else, you actually make yourself weak and ineffective. You make yourself "at effect" instead of being "at cause" of the situation. You give power to the person or thing you blame.
当你责备某一个人或某些事情的时候,你实际上让自己感到虚弱和无能爲力。你倒果爲因,反而赋予被责备的人或事,更大的力量。

"Blaming something else makes that something else cause; and as that cause takes on power, the individual in the same act loses control and becomes effect." -- L. Ron Hubbard
责怪其它的事情时,把那件事当成了「因」,于是那个「因」便産生了威力,而事件中的人则失去操控力,沦爲(身不由己的)「果」了。-- L. Ron Hubbard

For example, your business is failing and you blame your assistant. You are making your assistant more powerful than you. You might say, "My assistant messed up my business, " which is just another way of saying, "My assistant determines if my business succeeds or fails."
例如,你的生意失败你可以责怪你的伙计,你的伙计就比你的力量强多了。你可以说,“我的伙计搞砸了我的生意”这里隐含著另一种说法就是“我的伙计决定了我生意的成败”

If you take responsibility for your business, you would say, "I need to train my assistant so he doesn't make mistakes" or "I'd better fire my assistant so my business will succeed."
如果你承担起你生意的责任,你就会说:“我需要训练我的伙计,让他们不再犯这些错误”或者“我最好解雇我的伙计,以便我的生意能够成功”

As another example, you might blame your parents for your stress and anxiety. This makes your parents responsible for your feelings.
You might say, "My parents ruined my life" which is the same as saying, "My parents are so powerful, they control my emotions. I have no control over my anxiety."
再举个例子,你可能责怪你的父母给你压力让你感到焦虑,这样等于要你父母对你的情绪负责。你可以说,“我的父母毁掉了我的生活”这儿还有一个同样的意思是说,“我的父母是如此的强大,他们控制著我的情感,我没办法不焦虑”

Stopping the blame game and accepting responsibility for yourself gives you new hope. "My parents didn't ruin my life. I ruined my life by being lazy and unemployed. I just need to improve my opinion about myself and get busy."
停止责怪并且接受自身的责任将会给你的生活带来新的希望。“我的父母无法毁掉我的生活,我生活被糟蹋是因爲我的失业和懒散,我需要提升我对生活的想法并且让自己充实起来”

While blaming people for your problems is silly, blaming physical objects is even worse. "My house is so ugly, I feel depressed." "Hot weather makes me go crazy!" "My body has a disorder which makes me fat." In these cases, you are actually saying, "My life is controlled by _______."

在自己的问题上责怪他人是愚蠢的,这对责怪者本人来说会更糟糕。“我的房子难看死了,我感到很沮丧”“天气热得让我快发疯了”“我的身体功能失调让我越来越胖”在这些情况中,你真正听到的是:“我的生活是由 所控制的”

If you wish to succeed, you have to end the blame game. You only get ahead when you become "cause" over the situation. " I'll stop watching TV and paint my house a nice color." "I'll stay inside so the hot weather doesn't bother me." "I'm only fat because I eat too much and don't exercise."
如果你希望成功,你必须结束这个责怪的游戏。当你让“原因”在情况之上的时候,你必须向前。“我要停止看电视,把我的房子刷上漂亮的顔色”“我要留在屋里,那麽,炎热的天气不能干扰我”“我肥胖是因爲我吃得太多,运动得太少”

Five Steps for Ending the Blame Game
结束责怪的五个步骤:

1. Make four columns on a sheet of paper.
在一张纸上列出四栏

2. In the first column, list all of the problems or conditions you blame on others or things. Example: "I can't stop smoking because I'm addicted to nicotine."
在第一个栏目里,列出你所责怪的所有的人或者状况。例如:“我无法戒烟,因爲我对尼古丁上瘾”

3. In the next column, write how you are responsible for each problem or condition. Example: "I am the one who decided to become a smoker."
在下一个栏目里,写出你对每一个问题或状况所要付的责任,例如:“是我决定要成爲吸烟者的”

4. Write how you can take more responsibility for each. Example: "I could be more determined to quit smoking."
写出你能够进一步去做的,例如:“我可以加强戒烟的决心”

5. In the last column, write down an action step you can take for each problem or condition. Example: "Each time I want a cigarette this week, take a 15-minute walk first."
在最后一个栏目里,写下一个具体步骤,例如:“在这个星期内,每次我想抽烟的时候,我将先做15分钟的步行”

Five Benefits of Taking More Responsibility
承担更多责任的五个好处:

* Other people and things have less control over your destiny.
其它的人或事较难控制你的命运

* Poor conditions start to improve.
恶劣的环境(劣势)开始改善

* You make fewer mistakes.
你犯错误的机会越来越少

* No one can control you without your consent.
没有你的同意,没有人能控制你。

*You become the most powerful force in your future success.
你成了未来成功最大的主力。

****** 情绪低落的我,到奇迹课程网站找新的养分,与大家分享 ******
** 不要成为自己思想的受害者,大家共勉 **

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2 Comments:

At November 07, 2006 6:56 PM, Blogger 余福祺 said...

再补上一句给你参考:

生命是一段持续不断积累的过程。你不会因为多做了一件努力而让你失去些什么;你只会因为少完成一些事情而让自己没有达成所求索的目标。

-----------

前面那句是bulat-bulat照抄自一篇台湾教授所写的一篇励志文章之标题。后面一句则是在上个礼拜和一群马大辩论队的junior们一起在听完隆雪花堂的讲座后,在吃supper、K大炮的时刻,一时说得兴起从嘴里冒出来的。

很多人一直在悔恨着,以前因为要追求一些东西而失去了另一些人、事、物;一些人则不断的再懊恼为何在机会出现的当下,竟然瞎了眼的做着别的事情。

我自己也郁闷了好多年,突然在那个晚上,冲口而出,想要告诉身边的junior还有自己,还有好多好多我曾经珍惜、正在珍惜,未来将会珍惜的亲人和朋友们,你永远不知道你在一时一地无心插柳的一份耕耘或善举,会在何年何月开成朵朵的芬芳。

我们不需要刻意去想像和推算些什么,因为你永远无法预知,生命什么时候会在你山穷水尽时为你开出柳暗花明!

 
At November 07, 2006 11:00 PM, Blogger 王妤娴 said...

我常说我们常常游走于过去及未来而忽略了现在。

我们常想起我们的过去。
唉!当时如果我们做了另一个选择,那有多好,今天我就不会遗憾。
如果我们当时多做什么,少做什么,今天也许事情不会变成这样。
对于过去,我们有很多的愧疚。

我们也常想我们的未来。
对于未知的未来,我们缺乏信任,我们充满恐惧。我们不知道将来会发生什么事,因此我们很希望我们能够掌控我们的未来。

我们就在对过去的愧疚及未来的恐惧游走,而忘记现在才是我们所能拥有的。我们忽略了珍惜我们眼前的人、事、物。然后当现在变成过去的时候,我们再度轮回上演一幕幕的遗憾。

有个这样的画面。
有一个人站在中间,左边是我们的过去(及对过去记忆的愧疚),右边是我们的未来(及对未来未知的恐惧)。这人被两边的力量互相拉扯,而唯有继续的在中间无力的站着。其实他只要将左右两边一把推开,或者将他们都放下。他就可以及专注于现在、享受现在。

珍惜及把握现在,其实是爱自己、珍惜自己生命的表现。

正如福祺说的“我们不需要刻意去想像和推算些什么,因为你永远无法预知,生命什么时候会在你山穷水尽时为你开出柳暗花明!”

 

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